Archive for the ‘Ad Exec Masturbation’ Category

Gatorade — The Holy G

Friday, February 20th, 2009

jtherkal: After those sleek, fashionable black and white ads (which I didn’t love) this is an absolute disconnect and disgrace. They seemed to be building a mystique, making Gatorade seem top shelf, even classy. And to follow it up with a poorly done Monty Python ripoff–shameful. One of the keys of using athletes in commercials is understanding that most of them CAN NOT act (Lebron & Peyton being the exception). And if you’re going to do something like this, it has to be well written and amazingly funny. This is neither. Rarely, if ever, have I invoked sjb’s Ad Exec Masturbation classification, but this is worthy. It’s awful in every sense of the word. To think, your client is Gatorade. You can use some of the biggest stars in the world, and this is the trash you put out? It made me sick to my stomach to watch all nine minutes of this. Should have been aborted in the concept phase. Double F.

sjbooher: Wow. Ouch. I like it, but I’m completely biased. Usain Bolt’s head running around and Kareem’s cameo make me laugh every time. I definitely thought the same thing though, as far as being disconnected from the “What’s G?” part of the campaign. B.

sjbooher: I will say this… I didn’t know this 9 minute piece of crap existed. The edited quick hitters shown on TV are a big improvement.

#2.17 — Sobe — Dancing Football Players

Wednesday, February 4th, 2009

sjbooher: Ok, everybody, I’m pretty sure I’m throwing this in Ad Exec Masturbation. Ad Exec 1: “Hey, we’ll get big football players to do ballet!” Ad Exec 2: “Yeah, and we’ll have them dance with our colorful lizards, and the lizards will act cool like you’d expect the football players to be!” Ad Exec 3: “Yeah, and it’ll be colorful! And 3-D! And no one will know! Let’s spend millions! Awesome!”. Nope. Terrible. F.

jtherkal: Ugh. Ray Lewis, really? You need to ask for a bigger contract or something, because this is downright embarassing. I’ve never been a fan of these stupid dancing lizards, and this spot made me want to rub hot wing sauce in my eyes and punch my TV–and I love my TV. F-.

However, I think the 3-D thing needs to be rated on its own. While I agree that not many people knew about it, if you did, it was the probably the biggest phenomenon at your Super Bowl party. At my house, someone brought enough 3-D glasses for everyone, so people were wearing them around all night. And then when the commercials finally came on it was a moment of great excitement. Until the Sobe commercial. Then it was a moment of great disappointment.

Still, they did a bad job letting people know they needed glasses. B.

Nokia N-Gage —, Snakes

Monday, September 29th, 2008

jtherkal: I’m not sure if this ever aired on television, even in a shortened form. But it’s another example of how YouTube advertising can be effective in driving traffic to a website. I wasn’t sure exactly what this was for, but I love the stop motion version of human “snakes.” It made me curious enough to visit They have a pretty cool version of the breakout game there, using real people as the paddle, ball and targets. The problem is, even after seeing the video multiple times and visiting the site, I still wasn’t sure what it was for. I just went back to find out. My initial thought was that it’s some sort of public service announcement encouraging kids to get out and play. If that was so, it seemed counter-intuitive to put a video game on the site. Well, it’s not a PSA. It’s for Nokia N-Gage, whatever that is. Some sort of gaming thing you have to download for your Nokia phone, which I don’t have. So ultimately, it’s a cool video that doesn’t really learn me. Plus, typing in that website name with the dashes is really annoying. Someone should have tested that. B-.

sjbooher: Despite his high grade, jtherkal’s argument proves my reason for a low grade. I’m interested for about 15 aseconds, then it becomes AEM that advertises nothing since no one’s paying attention by the end. And then, apparently, you can go to the website and STILL not know what the hell’s going on. F.

Capital One Ad — Evil Legions

Thursday, May 1st, 2008

sjbooher: MOOOOORE KITTENS?!?!??! I am an idiot. This ad debuted around the New Year. I recall seeing it a million times during the Capital One Bowl, and hating it. It just seemed ridiculous, absurd, and over-the-top. Not only that, but I had no idea why the guy shouted “MOOOOOOOOOOORE KITTENS??!???!”, when there did not appear to be any kittens there to begin with. Fast-forward several months… “Oooooooooooohhhhhhhh! He’s saying: ‘WAAAAAAAAR KITTENS?!?!?!’ I get it now!” Fool. Anyway, after seeing this for months, I have to give it the props it deserves. At the end of the day, it imprints “Capital One” into my brain neurons. If I needed a new credit card right now, I would probably at least check with Capital One first. And really, that is the point of this whole biz, right? A.

jtherkal: First, for the record, I’ve been correcting your grammar all night tonight. There, their, twice. Pay attention. Second, this is supremely horrible and an almost perfect example of what you refer to as “ad exec masturbation.” How much must this have cost to produce? I’ll tell you, a lot. Capital One spends an absurd amount of money producing their ads. And I have a month’s worth of pictures from my one and only boondoggle in Australia to prove it.

The only redeeming quality is the line that you misunderstood for so long. WAAAR KITTENS!? And for someone who seems to have a corporate conscience, maybe you should look into how Capital One makes its money. By giving credit cards to people who in no way, shape, or form should be given another credit card. F+. The plus is for war kittens.

sjbooher: To clarify, “Ad Exec Masturbation” only applies to the ridiculous ads that no one sees. Like a 5-minute spot that only airs in some stupid ad awards ceremony or some boardroom somewhere, or on this site!. The run-time on this sucker justifies the expenses. 5 months STRONG, and counting. Also, I do not understand why results do not affect your grades. You do not think this ad has strengthened the brand? And finally, one man cannot possibly champion all causes. You have to pick “you’re” (ha) spot. Besides, everyone deserves to build their “need to earn”. It is the American way.

jtherkal: Thanks for the masturbation clarification, I take that part back. But you’re wrong in thinking results don’t affect my grades. For instance, the result here is that I think Capital One is a credit card company that makes stupid joke after stupid joke and is basically a company run by total idiots, designed for total idiots. Sure, I remember the brand. I remember that I hate it. There’s no way, ever, in the history or future of the world, that I would consider getting a Capital One credit card. I think that result warrants an F, don’t you? Oh, sorry, F+. Forgot those war kittens.

sjbooher: Well… what’s in your wallet?

WAW — Milk — White Gold

Wednesday, April 16th, 2008

jtherkal: Every once in awhile advertising people get all worked up about a campaign that, to me, seems like a total waste. Right now almost everyone I talk to is raving about this “white gold is white gold” campaign. A rock star who was handed a guitar full of milk. This is clearly the work of some over-ambitious creatives who have a big boner for Spinal Tap. They’ve probably been trying to sell a Spinal Tap campaign for years. I never really liked that movie. Since I started in advertising I’ve pretended to be a Spinal Tap fan, as so many creative directors and other folks in the industry sport large wood for it. At first, I would pretend to like it so that I wouldn’t seem like an idiot. Then I watched it, and I still pretended to like it, again not wanting to appear foolish. But no more. Spinal Tap, not that great. This campaign? It doesn’t make me want milk at all. And I LOVE milk. They have an extravagant website and some viral video components to this, so if it was good, it would be real good. Only I think it’s bad, so all that extra wasted energy makes it real bad. Sorry ad friends, but I’m not on your wagon this time. F.

sjbooher: It does seem a bit dumb and cliche to me… and what is Spinal Tap? Ha. “Rock Stars” are that ish right now though, so this will probably have some success, but I do not get the milk connection, either. Not to mention this is sort of a direct bite on the Heineken “Liquid Gold” ad. I have always thought it was dumb, in general, for milk to even waste money on ads. How can you forget about milk? C-.

XBOX — Water Balloons

Monday, April 14th, 2008

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to our newest category… All-Time Favorites. Enjoy.

jtherkal: This hasn’t run in awhile, but it’s one of my all-time favorite ads. Whenever I’m feeling uninspired or stumped, I take a minute to watch this. The grand scale of the water balloon fight and the feelings it invokes does a great job representing the online gaming capabilities of the XBOX. But the details make this one. Kids in masks, old men and dogs getting pelted, and the song–how on earth did they choose this song? It’s perfect. A+.

sjbooher: I tuned out 8 minutes ago. I’m sorry, is this an ad? Maybe if chaos is the product for sale. I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy watching this, but if it’s presented to me when commercials usually run, I would have paused the DVR 5 minutes ago and taken a piss. Or I would have returned to the popcorn line. When does this air? Is there a 30-second version that the ADD generation this product appeals to might actually sit through? Do these actually work? Maybe this was the greatest viral internet campaign and I missed the boat, or maybe I’m just plain ignorant, but I don’t see the point of this, other than a bunch of ad makers getting their rocks off. F.

jtherkal: Hater in the hooouuuse! This is pure joy.

Traveler’s Insurance Man — Giant Umbrella Man

Tuesday, April 8th, 2008

sjbooher: This makes me feel uncomfortable. I do not know quite the right word to describe this type of ad… pretentious? self-righteous? ostentatious? self-prostenteous? Whatever it is, I don’t like it. When “they” made this ad, how did “they” think I was going to feel when I watched it? I bet “they” did not think I would feel like I was suddenly catching a bird’s eye view of some creepy child molester, carrying his big red umbrella to attract all the kids and take them into the woods… awful.

Onto the more technical side of things, does the average person still instantly recognize the red umbrella? If not, this might just be a monumental failure. I remember the commercials from back in the day, so I knew right away what was going on, but I also had a family member that worked for Traveler’s, and red umbrella stuff was always around the house. Even if they do not, I guess this at least gets the ol’ umbrella back out there. D.

jtherkal: Why does every old man with a giant red umbrella have to be a child molester? I didn’t really know what Travelers was, but I knew that the red umbrella was some sort of icon. It’s strange enough to get my attention and it definitely stands apart from other insurance commercials. Maybe this was just the first of a series, designed to introduce the giant red umbrella so you recognize it when you see it in future ads. If not, this seems a little inadequate. What are they promising? Low prices? Good service? Giant red umbrellas? I guess it starts to establish a personality for the brand. And I noticed it. B-.

Word I’m unable to spell properly without a dictionary: inadequate. inadaquit.

Mastercard — Wandering Eye

Wednesday, February 20th, 2008

jtherkal: What a charming little story. Well written, funny to watch, horrible payoff. I’m sorry, but you can’t force-fit priceless into everything you do, Mastercard. I understand the formula is getting kind of tired and you have rooms full of jaded creatives who’d sooner eat a shotgun than write another formulaic Priceless ad, but it still works. And more importantly, people know those ads are for Mastercard. This ad, my brain is still telling me, is for or part of the new JCPenny campaign. I’ll never go to that website you quietly throw in there at the end. I have a feeling I know what my associate will refer to this as, so I’ll let him call it out. I still kind of like it. B-.

sjbooher: Definitely a little self-pleasuring going on here. What are you selling me? What are you selling me? What are you selling me? I felt like I was watching a deleted scened from Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind. And no, that is not a good thing. I also never would have watched this entire thing, unless forced… there is nothing that hooks me in, only things that push me away — that eye gives me a headache. F.

Belvedere Vodka — Vincent Gallo & Rza

Thursday, February 14th, 2008

jtherkal: Since I don’t really care for Vincent Gallo(smarmy hipster fuck), I think this would probably have been a miss, or a non-notice for me, if the soundtrack wasn’t so dope. I watched it a few times and that song is addicting. Rza, you done did it again! Luckily, you can download it from the Belvedere website. Unluckily, because I’m on a worthless PC at work, my media player can’t play it. I like the idea of “luxury reborn,” though. And rumor has it there’s a version coming out starring Rza. But I’ve also read that it cost an assload of money to make these “ads,” which would be another case of–to quote my associate–ad exec masturbation. So I’m feeling very mixed emotions right now. Longing, anger, confusion, joy, jealousy… B+.

sjbooher: I love the RZA and I have no clude who Vincent Gallo is but I don’t like what I see. I don’t get this ad. I love the music, but it has nothing to do with vodka. Maybe it’s purely niche, and I’m not supposed to get it. Of luxury reborn is shitty like that apartment, they it can re-die. C-.

Jawbone, Eliminates Noise

Friday, February 1st, 2008

jtherkal: I saw this ad yesterday on Creativity’s website. A campaign featuring short films promoting this Jawbone earpiece thing, which I had never heard of before. This one and the following rugby player (homophobic readers beware) one are the only two I could find on YouTube. But there’s two more in the series, one of which features an amazingly offensive and annoying man yelling at his dry cleaner, that are pretty good. This, to me, is what advertising can be. A great story, told in a way that truly communicates the benefit of the product. The idea that Jawbone “elminates noise” is illustrated perfectly. And everyone can appreciate the slaughter of the annoyingly loud.

The title treatments at the end, where the top lines eliminate the bottom one, are almost as great as the ads themselves. I was so intrigued by these, that I actually went to the company’s website to find out more about the technology. And although I loathe people who use these terrible Bluetooth, hands-free headsets, I was tempted to buy one. For about one second. Then I realized I’m not a douche.

While I find the use of gratuitous man-on-man making out to be a cheap, polarizing tactic (see Snicker’s Super Bowl ad), I think you still get the point. This is by far the worst of the four, not because of the gayness, but because it features no violent elimination of the offending noise-makers:

The problem is, where will these run? In movie theaters seems to be the ideal location. The Jawbone website (where they have yet to appear) is also a good option. And even if they never get further than being a viral internet campaign, I still think the effort is a success. A.

I have major problem with this product and the ads. This headset only fits in ONE EAR, correct? So how is the noise blocked out of my OTHER ear? Won’t the environment potentially still greatly affect whether or not I can hear the conversation? After reading the website, I see that it does include technology that will allow the person on the other end of the call to hear me better, but that only solves half the problem.

The poolside ad hits home for me, because I find that situation particularly annoying. However, they did not need to have the group of guys carry on for so long. The point was well-proven without going so far over the top.

As for the rugby bar edition… huh? Men kissing causes a lot of noise? That makes absolutely no sense. I wasn’t forced to review these, I would never have made it past the 20 or 30 second mark, so I would not have even known what the hell the product was. If I was forced to sit through these at a theatre, as my colleague suggested, I would feel murderous. F. Ad-exec masturbation, anyone?