jtherkal: Someone has been trying to sell a Christopher Guest script forever and they finally did it. Congratulations! You’re an unimaginative failure! Since it’s my job to know something about advertising, I read the trade publications and this has been a bit of a hot topic. The fact that this director appeals only to a certain high-brow, liberal audience, when really something much more mainstream is called for has been stated over and over. And rightly so. Not so much because only a certain type of people like this humor, but rather because it’s so dry and so subtle that you don’t even know what in the world they’re talking about! You don’t know what it’s asking you. And you don’t care. If your job is to tell America the census is happening, explain what it is, and why it’s important, you should never, ever put this on TV. F-.
sjbooher: The Census has a much better ad that appeals to the need of communities to get their proper funding based on the Census info. That one is a win, this one is a fail. D-. I do like Ed Begley, Jr. though, if that counts.
jtherkal: I hate KISS. And even though I can’t deny the “little kiss of cherry” in Dr. Pepper leading into a little person KISS band is marginally clever, if offensive, I still hate KISS. I hate little KISS just a little less. D-.
sjbooher: Sometimes I don’t “get” things. I didn’t “get” “little kiss of cherry”. When you couple that with my similar hatred? F-.
jtherkal: I didn’t mind the original version, because I’m a sucker for that kind of Wes Anderson junk. I even liked it. This time around, the writing wasn’t as good. There was nothing that really topped the first one of these they made (except maybe that baby tiger). I won’t remember who this was for in five…four…three…two…one…C-.
sjbooher: It’s pretty horrible to have a series of adds appear of multiple Super Bowls, and no one knows where you are advertising. You probably should have branded yourself by now. You haven’t. This ad makes me want to stick needles in my eyes and think about Tim Tebow doing circumcisions. D-.
sjbooher: I have a long history of criticizing ads that do not prominently display their product. You know what this ad is for, as far as I could tell? SeaWorld. Why… I’m not even going to get into the details of the “nonsensicalness” here. And I just bought Generals. Suck it. F.
jtherkal: Get it? Killer whale? Bachelor party? Hey Bridgestone, we all saw The Hangover. Best to not try doing a :30 second gag biting off the funniest movie of the last year. Only the line “it’s in my mouth” saved this from an F. D-.
jtherkal: Idea, bold. A. Effectiveness in breaking such bold news, D-. I guess doing a funny or wild ad for this would have been in bad taste during these tough economic times (drink!). If that’s the case, then don’t air this during the Super Bowl, where quiet and respectful become quiet and forgotten.
jtherkal: Ever since CP+B won the Vista account, perhaps almost a year ago, the ad world has been buzzing. What genius concept will come out of the hottest shop on earth for a brand with one of the worst reputations on earth. So you can imagine how utterly and entirely baffled I was when this piece of garbage hit the air. Pointless, boring, horribly written. Did Seinfeld write his own material? Did someone forget to do quality control? The jokes are bad, the acting is typically Seinfeld bad. I can’t really think of anything about this that I like. The jokes they make at the end, about the cake computer and then Bill Gates shaking his shorts? All I can do is shake my head.
The only possible silver lining is that Crispen probably has some sort of twist up their sleeve. Something like, “Look at that commercial. You thought it was terrible, but look at this new version of it, look at how good it is. It’s just like Vista, it can get better.” Or maybe their point is that you can’t judge something by its reputation alone. Like thinking that putting Seinfeld in a commercial would make it funny. “We heard that people would really like a commercial where Seinfeld and Bill Gates meet in a shoe store. So we just went ahead and made it. I guess you have to try it before you can really judge.” Either way, unless the punchline is solid gold–or at least has something to do with why this ad sucks–this can’t possibly get anything better than a D-.
sjbooher: Full discretion alert. As a software engineer, I despise Windoze. As a lover of comedy, I am not in Jerry Seinfeld’s demographic. I will not be changing my Facebook status to contradict either of those facts any time soon. This is boring, un-funny and does not really advertise anything. On top of that, it’s annoying with that cringe-worthy hip twist from Gates at the end. Whose idea was it to feature one of the most non-engaging men ever to walk the Earth in a minute-and-a-half ad? To whom does this even appeal? The ironic part is that is exactly like Windows products — bulky, over-priced and crappy. Guess they went for a little truth in advertising? F.
sjbooher: “Hey, mom. When I grow up, I want to be the spokesperson for a digestive aid!” Think Jamie Lee Curtis said that back in the day? All this acting stuff was an elaborate ploy to position herself for this spot, one day? She sure is happy in these ads — ridiculously so. Then they throw in a Dannon happy face logo at the end. There is way too much joy about a nasty yogurt that makes you poop right. Although that feeling of relief does feel good. Why is there such a poop taboo in advertising? Come out and say exactly what you mean! The euphemisms they come up with are amusing. Bottomline, this product and campaign are meant for women, so I am not the best judge. But I can say that I am not enticed, so they didn’t do that great of a job. C-.
jtherkal: Let’s start with the important question: Is Jaime Lee Curtis a hermaphrodite? That’s the first hurdle this has to clear. Because whenever I see Jaime Lee, all I can think is, “she might have a small deformed penis AND a vagina.” The rumors about this are known far and wide, which makes casting her sort of a strange decision. Surely there are plenty of middle-aged actresses who could use the work and are not rumored to be sexually ambiguous. Was the newspaper in her hand a subtle reference to taking a dump? If it weren’t for the Jamie Lee Curtis situation, I wouldn’t even notice this commercial and I certainly wouldn’t remember it. D-.
I’ve taken a look here and I can’t see anything suspicious:
While we work on getting our videos back on line, here’s some old-fashioned newspaper print advertising:
jtherkal: There are so many things wrong with this ad that I’m not really even sure where to begin. I guess let’s start with the headline, which is perhaps the best part. It reads like the title of a self help book. Hemorrhoids…and the suffering. Nice start. But then they got creative in the way they represent hemorrhoids–which is difficult to spell, by the way. Little red cartoon monsters marching in some sort of nebulous gray landscape. Aaahhhh! Look out! Shoot them with that there raygun! That raygun that looks like a flathead screwdriver coming out of the end of a drill. I don’t want that in my ass any more than I want those little red monsters. Mostly, I don’t want to go to a treatment center that runs this type of ad. When something goes wrong with your butthole, it’s a serious matter, not a wild cartoon. At least the doctor appears to be wearing some latex gloves, which is just good practice. F.
sjbooher: I’m guessing that most likely says “end the suffering”, but whatever. I don’t think this is particularly great, but my negative reaction might simply be as a result of having to think about hemorrhoids. Also, they should have played up the little cartoon guys, and played down that awful gun. You are not going to attract people to your service if they focus on the reality of that gun. D-.
jtherkal: It definitely says “end the suffering.” I’m an idiot. And to your point about the gun, if they were going to show it they should have made it look soft and fun. Like a feather gun, that tickles the monsters away.
jtherkal: Blah blah blah. Cute, but why? It does an alright job of getting your attention, but then they payoff is sort of weak. I would certainly think Lexus could do a better job of explaining why “the power of h” is important and desirable. It’s a pretty good line, but nothing about missing h’s speaks to that power. I mean, you’ve done more the Lexus than just add an h to the model number, right? Part of me wants to like this, I just don’t. C-.
sjbooher: I like it, even with a bit of a weak ending. Despite not showing the product early on, they draw you in by making you want to see why the h’s are not appearing anywhere. I also like that they took a different approach to selling their Hybrid models than the other companies who just beat you over the head with “miles per gallon”. It allows them to stand out, perhaps. B-.
