jtherkal: Following the growing trend of pulling seemingly “offensive” advertising, Verizon yanked this off the air after getting pressure from PETA and other animal-rights groups, who claim the commercial promoted animal cruelty. They went on to explain “that chained dogs are deprived of social interaction and forced to endure weather extremes, adding that the spot perpetuated stereotypes against pit bulls as a violent breed.” Hmmm, you know what else perpetuates those stereotypes? When pit bulls eat people. The only thing offensive about this ad is that it royally sucks. Maybe that’s why they took it off the air. F.
sjbooher: I’ll never understand the concept of spending ones time saving dogs when there’s poverty and inhumane conditions for HUMANS in our own backyards, but that’s just me — call me crazy. So with that being said, I obviously do not find this ad offensive. I do not think this ad is that bad, either. That guy wants to touch that phone, and he’s willing to risk life and limb to do it. The best part? Even though he appears at the end, that dumb “network” guy doesn’t talk and his time is limited. I will say this spot has the “feel” of the Boost mobile brand, to me… if I didn’t know which provider it was for, that would have been my guess. C.
jtherkal: In what will become a growing series as November nears, we’re going to tackle political ads. For years, political ads have been a stain on our society, littering the airwaves with slanderous accusations, boredom and just plain terribleness. You’d think that candidates would hire professionals to pump out some ads that don’t feel like your typical political BS. But to date, few have. We’ll start with this gem, which has been a bit of a lightning rod as of late.
It’s for John McCain, Republican candidate for president (for the super uninformed). My guess is he has hired some professionals, and those professionals talked him into this outstanding ad. The conversation probably went a little like this:
Ad Guy: So John, the difference between you and Obama is that you’re old and crusty. He’s young, beloved and hip. Trying to make you seem hip, or Obama seem crusty is a near impossible task. So our angle is this: play up your crustiness and make his popularity seem like a fault.
McCain: Interesting. Can’t we just say “McCain is white and will take over the fucking world with guns?”
Ad Guy: No, there’s been a bit of a backlash due to all this war crap.
McCain: Oh, continue.
Ad Guy: Well, we start with ominous music. Then we show people chanting “O BA MA! O BA MA!”
McCain: Wait, won’t that make him seem popular?
Ad Guy: That’s the point, you old bastard. Now shut it and wait for the punchline.
McCain: Sorry.
Ad Guy: So while people are chanting, we show images of celebrities that are idiots. Paris Hilton, Brittany Spears, etc. Then people will think “Obama is a celebrity, Paris is a celebrity, Obama is the same as Paris.”
McCain: I like your logic.
Ad Guy: Then we say some of the political bullshit you insist on cramming in my ads, followed by that image of you looking into the light while you say you approve this message.
McCain: Doesn’t that clip of me looking into the light make people think of me being old and dying?
Ad Guy: That’s the point! We want people to think about how old you are. You’re the anti-young. You have so much experience that you’re almost dead.
McCain: Brilliant.
Ad Guy: That’s why you hired me.
I guess if I have to rate this, I give it a F. The backlash on this has been nothing short of sensational. Paris has even responded with this:
sjbooher: That’s it, I’m voting for Paris. That is awesome. How does Paris Hilton have a better campaign ad than McCain? And it also sounds like she already has a better handle on her running mate (Rihanna, potentially) than either of the real candidates! Ha. McCain’s ad was lazy and scatterbrained at the same time. FOCUS, MAAAAAAAN. Not to mention he just saved Obama millions of dollars as the backlash is campaign advertising in and of itself. F to the McCain ad, A+ to the Paris ad.
jtherkal: This ad makes me want to throw up. I hate hate hate that spike-haired guy, who is supposedly some sort of chef. DOUCHE. His name is GUY. Guy!? The only person, ever, in the history of the world who should be named Guy is that muppet, Guy Smiley.
After that they should have retired the name forever. I want to like TGIFridays ads, because I love TGIFridays. Their BBQ burger is awesome. They have the best French onion soup I’ve ever had–and I’ve had a lot of French onion soups. But having that guy, Guy, talk to me turns my stomach. Yuck. F.
sjbooher: This “guy” is sort of annoying to me, but I am not on the Hate Train. This series of ads aired non-stop during the NCAA tournament, and my wife was constantly talking about Friday’s, as a result. If we lived anywhere near a Friday’s, this would have for sure fallen into the Ads That Work category. Beyond spike head, this is your average restaurant ad. They do a good job of showing mouth-watering food, and infusing their brand with the red-and-white stripe background. C.
P.S. I didn’t recognize him, but I guess Guy Fieri is a TV personality. You learn something new everyday…
While we work on getting our videos back on line, here’s some old-fashioned newspaper print advertising:
jtherkal: There are so many things wrong with this ad that I’m not really even sure where to begin. I guess let’s start with the headline, which is perhaps the best part. It reads like the title of a self help book. Hemorrhoids…and the suffering. Nice start. But then they got creative in the way they represent hemorrhoids–which is difficult to spell, by the way. Little red cartoon monsters marching in some sort of nebulous gray landscape. Aaahhhh! Look out! Shoot them with that there raygun! That raygun that looks like a flathead screwdriver coming out of the end of a drill. I don’t want that in my ass any more than I want those little red monsters. Mostly, I don’t want to go to a treatment center that runs this type of ad. When something goes wrong with your butthole, it’s a serious matter, not a wild cartoon. At least the doctor appears to be wearing some latex gloves, which is just good practice. F.
sjbooher: I’m guessing that most likely says “end the suffering”, but whatever. I don’t think this is particularly great, but my negative reaction might simply be as a result of having to think about hemorrhoids. Also, they should have played up the little cartoon guys, and played down that awful gun. You are not going to attract people to your service if they focus on the reality of that gun. D-.
jtherkal: It definitely says “end the suffering.” I’m an idiot. And to your point about the gun, if they were going to show it they should have made it look soft and fun. Like a feather gun, that tickles the monsters away.
jtherkal: Hey, all you competitive swimming fans out there, here’s an energy bar you can really get behind. I mean, if Michael Phelps–who is good at swimming–likes it, it must give you super power. Come on Powerbar. Maybe he was the best athlete you could afford? Or maybe you thought it was a good choice because swimming is hard. Sure it is, but most people don’t give a daaaaaamn about swimmers. Unless they’re in a red bikini, running down the beach in Malibu (Baaaaywatch). Nice try, putting those sharks in the pool, but you never had him fight the sharks. You didn’t even have him race them. Massive failure. F.
sjbooher: I do remember that last Summer Olympics Michael Phelps was EVERYWHERE — featured in maybe 4 or 5 (more?) different ads. I have no idea if that worked, but he was the star of the games themselves. I think he won a few medals, but he did not eclipse Mark Spitz’ record for most medals in one games. So they are definitely tapping a familiar well, here. The problem with Phelps, is that he is about as charismatic as that diving board he’s standing on. The Michael Phelps Story, starring Hayden Christensen, coming soon to a theater near you! Maybe there should be more focus on the sharks? Sharks are definitely not boring, and I do not think I even noticed them until I saw the ad a few times. Another interesting tidbit, while he has been a saint when compared with Naomi Campbell, this marks another use of a celebrity endorser that has been in trouble with the law, proving companies are generally hypocrites about that kind of thing. Since he is a fellow Wolverine, I won’t be quite as harsh as my associate. D+.
jtherkal: With the whole Arthur-Anderson-renamed-Accenture sneaky marketing move gone and all but forgotten, Accenture has moved on to further disgrace themselves by creating terrible ads. I see the logic they’re using: Tiger Woods is good at golf, businessmen like golf, so let’s put Tiger and golf and business together. Their line “Go on, be a Tiger” makes me throw up in my mouth, and the new line “We know what it takes to be a Tiger” is almost as bad. They force fit their message clumsily into images of Tiger golfing, resulting in an embarassing, pun-filled, hack-job campaign.
The only redeeming value is that this campaign gave birth to one of my favorite advertising stories. I know two of the creatives who were unfortunate enough to work on it. Unhappy as they were to be strapped with the assignment of writing terrible lines to go with pictures of Tiger golfing, they gave it the old college try. During their work, they noticed that a lot of the headlines bought by the client sounded like they came right from fortune cookies. So they went down to Chinatown and bought a bag of 200 fortune cookies, cracked them open and started to pick out the fortunes that might work as lines. They presented the list of lines to their creative director, who thought they were BRILLIANT. The lines sold and now, in the archives of Accenture ads, you can find some fortune cookie gems. I was in the airport one day and saw one that was clearly a result of their efforts, which read “At first, all great tasks seem impossible.” Like doing a good ad for this campaign, I imagine. F.
sjbooher: True confessions: I love puns. True confessions part II: I have no idea why this is so bad. Seems fine to me. Simply including the stills and clips of Tiger is probably a win… and then they didn’t get too over-the-top with “we’re so witty” copy — just simple puns and quotes that don’t detract from the message: “Be the best in the world at what you do, come to us”. Overly creative? No. Will it win any awards at some holier-than-thou ad awards ceremony? Apparently not. Will business people like a company associated with Tiger? Yes. C.
jtherkal: First, does anyone under the age of 40 know who Meatloaf is? And more importantly, if they do, is there anything endearing about Meatloaf, aside from his ridiculous name? There’s absolutely nothing I like about this ad. The song is terrible, the people in it look like no one I’d ever want to be and it does only a mediocre job telling you what the product is. When that kid moves his head in that strange way, it makes me want to punch his stupid face. This is one of those ads that has me scrambling to change the channel when it comes on. F.
sjbooher: Well, we know who Meatloaf is, and we are under 40. After all, we were even in a fantasy sports group with him! Ha — that just made jtherkal feel like his definition of a “nerd”. I love it. I do not love the ad, but I do think it is pretty good. I like musicals in general, so I automatically skew towards liking this, and I think this particular song is clever. I’m not sure what you are listening too, but all it does is describe the product. Maybe you need to watch it again and, um, sleep on it? B+.
sjbooher: Pandas are awesome. Some time ago, I learned on some sort of Discovery channel that Pandas are extremely lazy. They sit around all day eating only bamboo, which as it happens, has no nutritional value for them! And yet they still stuff themselves with it. They are the equivalent of a human that sustains themselves on Skittles alone. Great. What I really wish I could show you is the new Panda Express billboard that hits on this theme exactly. It says something to the effect of “Don’t be bamboozled like these Pandas, try Panda Express Beijing Beef!”. I love the play on words… get i? Bamboo? Bamboozled? Pandas? Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. If I ever get my hands on a picture of it, that billboard will get an A+.
Unfortunately I have not mastered the art of taking pictures while driving, so you’ll have to settle for the above tv spots. I love the idea of the talking Pandas, and they even resisted the horrid idea of using offensive Asian accents, but the writing just is not there. The idea is funny, but the end result is not. They do a good job of featuring and describing the new menu item, but they managed to blow a comedic slam dunk. C+.
jtherkal: Wait, the name is Panda Express and they use talking pandas? The somehow took the most obvious advertising answer, one with a lot of promise, and made it boring and dumb. And real writer would have had a field day with this concept. Instead, blah. F.
And for the record, koalas are even lazier, and therefore better. They sleep 23 hours a day, then wake up only long enough to eat enough to sustain them for the next 23 hours of sleeping. That, my friends, is a smart animal. I didn’t know that bamboo has no nutritional value for pandas. It’s fantastic they still love it so much. And Kung Fu Panda!
sjbooher: MOOOOORE KITTENS?!?!??! I am an idiot. This ad debuted around the New Year. I recall seeing it a million times during the Capital One Bowl, and hating it. It just seemed ridiculous, absurd, and over-the-top. Not only that, but I had no idea why the guy shouted “MOOOOOOOOOOORE KITTENS??!???!”, when there did not appear to be any kittens there to begin with. Fast-forward several months… “Oooooooooooohhhhhhhh! He’s saying: ‘WAAAAAAAAR KITTENS?!?!?!’ I get it now!” Fool. Anyway, after seeing this for months, I have to give it the props it deserves. At the end of the day, it imprints “Capital One” into my brain neurons. If I needed a new credit card right now, I would probably at least check with Capital One first. And really, that is the point of this whole biz, right? A.
jtherkal: First, for the record, I’ve been correcting your grammar all night tonight. There, their, twice. Pay attention. Second, this is supremely horrible and an almost perfect example of what you refer to as “ad exec masturbation.” How much must this have cost to produce? I’ll tell you, a lot. Capital One spends an absurd amount of money producing their ads. And I have a month’s worth of pictures from my one and only boondoggle in Australia to prove it.
The only redeeming quality is the line that you misunderstood for so long. WAAAR KITTENS!? And for someone who seems to have a corporate conscience, maybe you should look into how Capital One makes its money. By giving credit cards to people who in no way, shape, or form should be given another credit card. F+. The plus is for war kittens.
sjbooher: To clarify, “Ad Exec Masturbation” only applies to the ridiculous ads that no one sees. Like a 5-minute spot that only airs in some stupid ad awards ceremony or some boardroom somewhere, or on this site!. The run-time on this sucker justifies the expenses. 5 months STRONG, and counting. Also, I do not understand why results do not affect your grades. You do not think this ad has strengthened the brand? And finally, one man cannot possibly champion all causes. You have to pick “you’re” (ha) spot. Besides, everyone deserves to build their “need to earn”. It is the American way.
jtherkal: Thanks for the masturbation clarification, I take that part back. But you’re wrong in thinking results don’t affect my grades. For instance, the result here is that I think Capital One is a credit card company that makes stupid joke after stupid joke and is basically a company run by total idiots, designed for total idiots. Sure, I remember the brand. I remember that I hate it. There’s no way, ever, in the history or future of the world, that I would consider getting a Capital One credit card. I think that result warrants an F, don’t you? Oh, sorry, F+. Forgot those war kittens.
jtherkal: So today I received these notices that videos had been removed from our YouTube channel due to copyright violations. I had to read them a few times to understand what they were saying, because certainly no company would ever ask you NOT to watch or show their commercial.
In the case of the Viagra Ad, it seems to be the music company that had a problem with us sharing their song without paying for or obtaining the rights. But in the other case it was Toyota, the actual car company, that asked to have THEIR AD taken down. Now, is it just me, or does asking people NOT to show your ad seem like the most ridiculous thing in the history of marketing? It’s FREE ADVERTISING! The whole reason you make an ad is to have people watch it and hopefully notice or remember it. The ultimate win (well, aside from making a sale) is when someone passes on information about your ad, or even better, passes on the actual Ad for others to see. I’m absolutely amazed and confused by this.
