jtherkal: I don’t even know where to start with this. Am I on mushrooms? Will my cat be on mushrooms? What is catnip? This is the very definition of overpromising. And of amazing. I can imagine the elevator pitch of this spot…

So the idea here is that opening a can of Friskies sends your cat into another dimension, where it meets a troop of dancing turkeys in a mystical field, it then quickly moves on to a field of cows with floating mountain windmills, then it boards an awesome fish sailboat and sails across the magical friendly fish sea into the chicken palace, where the dancing chickens and their babies welcome him. Basically, the cat is exploring and playing with all of the animals we chop up for it to eat. Also, we’ll write a special song that you can trip out to.

The sheer absurdity of this would put it #1 on my cat-food shopping list. A+.

sjbooher: It is memorable… and beautiful even though I, personally, would buy cat food based on nutritional value. Your cat’s (nor yours) tongue does not need to be happy. C.

jtherkal: I’ve seen a lot of Walmart commercials. A lot. And this is the second in history that I actually like. Nothing like some good physical humor to make America smile. We love it! Throw in a clown and screaming children and you’ve got yourself a winner. The performance of the clown in this one–his scream, and shaking leg–are what takes this from good to great. Will I buy my birthday supplies at Walmart? No. I live in Brooklyn, sucka. A.

sjbooher: This makes me cringe in absolute horror — both by the tangible object through the foot and the intangible “Walmart as repressive anti-christ”. Great branding — “Wal-Mart will both literally and figuratively impale your bitch-ass”. F.

jtherkal: That’s it girls. Give it like you take it. A+.

jtherkal: Is it just me, or does this look like a banner ad for a man-on-man interaction site? Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Somewhere the strategy of “use Mike and Mike to promote Valentine’s Day” doesn’t quite work the way I bet someone thought it would. I’m not really putting this up here to rate. But C+.

sjbooher: I believe the term is “man-on-man interceptions”.

sjbooher: The other Intel ad was such a success that I can’t even find this one online due to the robot one popping up so much in search results. That makes this one mediocre in comparison. C.

jtherkal: Apparently even a computer nerd doesn’t know how to use the “search” part of a computer. I found it in .5 seconds, which makes me smarter than you. But it doesn’t make your grade wrong. C+. The plus is for computer labs in college.

sjbooher: Fine. I admit it. I like this one. B-.

jtherkal: Welcome back. I think being a father has made you soft. A.

sjbooher: And one more time… say it with me, now… SCREAMING CHICKENS!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A+.

This is two consecutive years of Denny’s greatness. Nanerpus! Can we get a Screaming Chickens/Nanerpus collabo up in here?

jtherkal: I think I can make that happen. Give me a few days. The Nanerpus has lasting power, as that song is STILL my phone ringtone.

Ahhhhhhh! you’re eating my unborn children! B+.

sjbooher: B for booooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring. So really a D. The only thing saving them from an F is that really, they are the only domain hosting site that the computer illiterate really know about, and that is solely because of their continued Super Bowl presence.

jtherkal: First, Danika Patrick is not causing ANY fuss. None. And what do you want me to see more of? A girl in an unrevealing tank top? Give me a break. The SI Swimsuit Issue just came out. Maybe there’ll be some actual melons in there. F.

sjbooher: I think they actually ran the same spot previously reviewed, so instead, here is some comedic gold for ya’ll. The question at this point is, who has the bigger gambling debt — Joe Montana, or Luke Wilson?

jtherkal: Such a skeptic. Are you saying there’s no possible way that Joe Montana tried this product and realized that it’s actually super effective at shaping his calves? Because that’s what I’m saying. There was one point, at about :37 when you can tell he’s laughing as he thinks about how he’s going to kill himself after the shoot. Maybe he was on the Nicolas Cage shopping plan.

I think I have to up my grade for Sketchers for somehow pulling this off. B.

No! Not the b’s!

sjbooher: D. For dumb. And for Doritos.

jtherkal: Let me see if I have the formula right. Begin with stupid, somewhat predictable joke situation. Follow with some sort of slapstick comedy. Make $500,000. Can I get a film crew, a donkey, a blindfold, a wiffle-ball bat, and a bag of Doritos. And go ahead and put in a bid for that 1BR in the East Village. I’m about to have some dough. C-, for Dorito suit craftsmanship.