I RATE ADS

sjbooher: MOOOOORE KITTENS?!?!??! I am an idiot. This ad debuted around the New Year. I recall seeing it a million times during the Capital One Bowl, and hating it. It just seemed ridiculous, absurd, and over-the-top. Not only that, but I had no idea why the guy shouted “MOOOOOOOOOOORE KITTENS??!???!”, when there did not appear to be any kittens there to begin with. Fast-forward several months… “Oooooooooooohhhhhhhh! He’s saying: ‘WAAAAAAAAR KITTENS?!?!?!’ I get it now!” Fool. Anyway, after seeing this for months, I have to give it the props it deserves. At the end of the day, it imprints “Capital One” into my brain neurons. If I needed a new credit card right now, I would probably at least check with Capital One first. And really, that is the point of this whole biz, right? A.

jtherkal: First, for the record, I’ve been correcting your grammar all night tonight. There, their, twice. Pay attention. Second, this is supremely horrible and an almost perfect example of what you refer to as “ad exec masturbation.” How much must this have cost to produce? I’ll tell you, a lot. Capital One spends an absurd amount of money producing their ads. And I have a month’s worth of pictures from my one and only boondoggle in Australia to prove it.

The only redeeming quality is the line that you misunderstood for so long. WAAAR KITTENS!? And for someone who seems to have a corporate conscience, maybe you should look into how Capital One makes its money. By giving credit cards to people who in no way, shape, or form should be given another credit card. F+. The plus is for war kittens.

sjbooher: To clarify, “Ad Exec Masturbation” only applies to the ridiculous ads that no one sees. Like a 5-minute spot that only airs in some stupid ad awards ceremony or some boardroom somewhere, or on this site!. The run-time on this sucker justifies the expenses. 5 months STRONG, and counting. Also, I do not understand why results do not affect your grades. You do not think this ad has strengthened the brand? And finally, one man cannot possibly champion all causes. You have to pick “you’re” (ha) spot. Besides, everyone deserves to build their “need to earn”. It is the American way.

jtherkal: Thanks for the masturbation clarification, I take that part back. But you’re wrong in thinking results don’t affect my grades. For instance, the result here is that I think Capital One is a credit card company that makes stupid joke after stupid joke and is basically a company run by total idiots, designed for total idiots. Sure, I remember the brand. I remember that I hate it. There’s no way, ever, in the history or future of the world, that I would consider getting a Capital One credit card. I think that result warrants an F, don’t you? Oh, sorry, F+. Forgot those war kittens.

sjbooher: Well… what’s in your wallet?

jtherkal: What a charming little story. Well written, funny to watch, horrible payoff. I’m sorry, but you can’t force-fit priceless into everything you do, Mastercard. I understand the formula is getting kind of tired and you have rooms full of jaded creatives who’d sooner eat a shotgun than write another formulaic Priceless ad, but it still works. And more importantly, people know those ads are for Mastercard. This ad, my brain is still telling me, is for Monster.com or part of the new JCPenny campaign. I’ll never go to that website you quietly throw in there at the end. I have a feeling I know what my associate will refer to this as, so I’ll let him call it out. I still kind of like it. B-.

sjbooher: Definitely a little self-pleasuring going on here. What are you selling me? What are you selling me? What are you selling me? I felt like I was watching a deleted scened from Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind. And no, that is not a good thing. I also never would have watched this entire thing, unless forced… there is nothing that hooks me in, only things that push me away — that eye gives me a headache. F.

These ads, featuring a smoothly moving, expertly choreographed, singing dancing world–which is tragically interrupted by some dunce who dares to carry cash–fail. First, I couldn’t remember which company it was for (Mastercard or Visa), so they need to brand it a little better. But more importantly, they’re all based on a flawed premise. Cash slows you down? Sure, maybe occasionally you get an old lady counting coins at the market. But more often than that, you get some jackass with his credit card charging his Milky Way bar and Diet Coke. They run the card, print the reciept, get a signature, blah blah blah. Just give the guy a $5 bill and be on your way, jerk. My dad once said, “What kind of a man doesn’t carry a little cash?” Some may call him old fashioned. Others call him The Truth.

Still others call him Ken Hitchcock, former coach of the Dallas Stars, Philadelphia Flyers and current coach of the Columbus Blue Jackets (in case you’re like the rest of America and haven’t heard of them for the last five years, yes, that is an actual NHL hockey team).

I guess they’re talking about some sort of faster debit card here, but I’m still not buying it. Be a man. Carry cash. D.

The Hawk:
I agree 100%. To my knowledge, there is no debit card that does not require the user to at least enter your pin number. If it’s a new card that does not require that, then they need to get that idea across. And do people care about the brand of credit card they have? I don’t. I care about the interest rate, the credit limit, any awards program, etc; I’ve never understood the Visa vs. Mastercard ad battles. I do find the colors and intricate choreography used in this spot visually pleasing, so that is it’s only saving grace. D it is.